I don't necessarily mean a shrink, but someone he can talk to. This is slightly different. You should back off and give him space, work on yourself for a while and figure out what you want from life. He has issues with vulnerability I totally empathize with you! My ex would never kiss me open mouthed, and we had such an awful sex life, and it eventually fucked up my perception of myself and threw me into a depression after years of rejection and being blamed for my needs. Wow is he good.
It doesn't sound like the best environment for a kid either, to be honest.
You deserve awesome sex, open communication, and the ability to try new things. Even my husband would do this if I wished it and we've been married 25 years. I'm all for taking my turn as the little spoon, but I cannot fathom sitting in anyone's lap. My boyfriend has a lower libido than me and so I asked him to just lay in bed naked with me for five minutes last night, and he refused. I haven't seen 20 for many years, I do have a son who is almost 20 though, does that count?